i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
