Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
