Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize