I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize