Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
