Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
