I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize