nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
