If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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