dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
