i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
