conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize