OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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