i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
