remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize