I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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