it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
where am i from again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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