tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
