i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
