Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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