u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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