Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
