i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
