why didn't you poke me back
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
