this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
