Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
