i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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