you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
zippers are such a cool invention
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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