He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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