dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
