so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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