u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
