I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
