Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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