It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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