the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize