I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
