Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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