I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
