i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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