I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So much rum. So many feels.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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