Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize