I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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