Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
