he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
