Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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