Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
