eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
