I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
