i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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