So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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