So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
