Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
