I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
