dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize