FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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