I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
