I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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