someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize