i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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