Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
