Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
