she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
