i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
