You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize