I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
