u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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