You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
