i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
