Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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