if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize