Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
