I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
